The True Path to Significance

The more I think about why we have this desire to be famous and desire to succeed, the more I think it comes down to a question of significance. We all want to know that in some way we are important. We hope that our existence will make at least some difference to someone or something. Because of this our lives are often spent in the maintenance, advancement and protection of our significance. In fact, Maslow says this our need for significance is only slightly less important to us than our need for food and safety.

We feel significant when we feel we have value. We feel we have value when someone tells us we are valuable. Today there seems to be no higher confirmation of one’s value than to have millions of fans, to be constantly in the news, to have people who want to know what you had for breakfast and who your girlfriend is. So we look up to the people who have achieved such a level of fame and success, thinking they have arrived at the ultimate destination and hoping to one day be like them.

There are two problems with this desire:

1) Our desire for significance is both easily and often misdirected.

It is obvious that celebrity status does not bring significance, otherwise there would not be such a high rate of drug use, crime, divorce, depression…etc among those who are famous. We understand this but still we seek it. I don’t get it. It’s as if we think that if we haven’t found significance yet, it’s because we aren’t working hard enough.

However, the real reason we have not found it is because we are not working smart enough. Joseph Stowell, former president of Moody Bible Institute, says “our problem is not that we search for significance but that we search for it in all the wrong places.” God gave us this desire to feel important and there is a way to satisfy it. Unfortunately not many people will ever satisfy this need and find peace because their search for significance is all about themselves. Everything they do only serves to make them look and feel more important.

True significance is only found in the working out of God’s will for your life to the betterment of others. We are each created to play a specific role in God’s plan for mankind and we were uniquely designed for that purpose. Seeking anything else will always leave something to be desired.

2) It can cause much harm to ourselves, to our friends and family, and ultimately to our society.

We do damage to ourselves internally when we seek fame and success at the expense of our integrity. Our constant positioning is often accompanied by a host of verbal sins including gossip, slander, boasting, and lying. If this is the path we take, it is only a matter of time before our character is so eroded we no longer know who we are or what we stand for. We can do external damage to ourselves by accumulating debt in our acquisition of things (houses, cars, jewelry..) that we think will publicly display our significance. In reality, most people can see right through our pricy facades. When a guy pulls up to a party in his new porsche, people probably think “that guys thinks he is cool” instead of “wow, that guy is cool.”

Sadly we often harm those we care about most in our crazy pursuit.

• Fathers will readily sacrifice time spent with the family in order to stay a little later at work or play a few more holes of golf. In doing so they choose professional and social accomplishment over a relationship with their family.
• A mother who feels insignificant and undervalued as a stay at home mom might leave the marriage emotionally and then physically for someone who makes her feel more significant than do her demanding kids or absent husband.
• Some parents find significance in a child who graduates first in their class, who is a good athlete or who gets a great job after school. Therefore they work their kids to death and push their kids into undesired areas of study in the name of helping them get a good job. “They communicate that their child’s significance is measured not in his parents unconditional love and acceptance, but rather in performing up to their expectations.”
• People will get into relationships that they think enhance their significance. They will date someone who they think makes them seem more important in the eyes of their peers. This leads to a possessiveness and jealousy that causes relationships to self destruct, a cycle which has left many casualties who then take out their pain on the next poor soul who comes along.
• A young girl who feels that her chance at significance is threatened by an unborn child might be tempted to abort rather than deliver and raise the baby.

Seeking advancement for ourselves leads us to seek advancement for the certain groups in which we find ourselves. For this reason our individual battle for significance is played out in society at large. Different races, genders, classes and even nations find themselves somewhere in a hierarchy. Those on the lower levels of this hierarchy will fight to improve their situation while those on the top desperately try to hold on to their power. This jockeying for power is so strong it can even start wars.

The path to true significance lies in playing a part in something bigger than yourself.

There is something about being a part of a team and giving everything you have for the benefit of the team that is truly satisfying. You will never be able to contribute to a team while you believe it is all about you. Terrell Owens comes to mind for some reason. Those who seek their own glory are “unable to serve others unless there is an advantage to be gained, unable to sacrifice to advance a cause that is not their own, unwilling if necessary to suffer for another’s sake, and unable to surrender to any agenda- corporate, family or church- that impedes the progress of their pursuit of significance.” Play for the team, not for yourself.. It’s the only way to win.

*sources: Joseph Stowell, Perilous Pursuits. Picture by aloshbennett via flickr